Happiness is a Choice, Cholesterol, Fantasy Relationships, and Non-existent Weddings
There are going to be many times when you think that being an adult totally sucks. You have all this responsibility for yourself. Ugh, who wants that?
- Jobs aren’t just ways to pay for booze anymore. You need to pay rent, buy work clothes, and get a haircut.
- Relationships aren’t just living out fantasy movie scenes. They get real…fast.
- You actually care what your cholesterol levels are…and talk about it with your friends.
- Your friends start to co-habitate, then decide to make it legal in front of lots of people, then decide they are apparently responsible enough to bring another human being into this world—and you wonder if this is something you are supposed to be doing.
- You start wishing you were 35 just to get away from the uncertainty of your 20s.
- You see people making Pinterest boards about their non-existent weddings and wonder what the heck happened to two people falling in love and being best friends for the rest of their lives instead of one day of overabundance.
But being an adult-or rather, being a human being-is about choices. You can choose to live your life the way you want to. You don’t have to conform to society. You don’t have to follow someone else’s path.
You can create your own path. But sometimes creating your own path is really scary. Wouldn’t it be easier to just have it laid out for us so we don’t even have to think about it?
That’s part of being an adult. Thinking. Feeling. Understanding. Knowing when the voices in your head are telling the truth and when they are fabricating fat, juicy lies. Not being scared to take a risk. And most importantly…
Understanding that you can choose happiness. Happiness does not come from external factors. Your feeling of self-worth does not come from the external environment - even though we’ve been conditioned to think that way. That piece of paper from the Ivy League school or the promotion may make us temporarily happy, but rarely do they fill us up and leave us to be completely happy and fulfilled.
I used to think this was my key to unlocking the best life, so I kept going and going until I realized that I wasn’t becoming as happy as I thought I would. What I know now, and consistently work on every day, is understanding that I can choose to be happy with my life and I can choose to surround myself with people who think the same way.
Get clear on what you want—and take a stand.
Land that Job with this Interview Strategy
From now until the end of the year, I will be featuring 20somethings and their journey through adulthood. I am in awe by how many fabulous people have signed up to be guest posters. Click here to read more and fill out the form.
Enter: Diana (no, not me!)
I have been on a ton of interviews - much more than the average 25 year old should have ever participated in. I have both my share of successful and unsuccessful interviews and I can tell you right now - when I do not follow my interview strategy, I am guaranteed to not do well. Who really expects us to be successful at things without working at them? [Hint: the answer is silly people!]
My strategy:
1) Soak it up! It is important to literally soak up any information about career advice, whether it is on the Internet, in books, or through networking. I read articles on CareerBuilder, Workopolis, and Monster and I ask people for interview tips and actually listen to them. It is so important to act like sponge and soak up as much information about being successful at interviewing.
2) Research it! Research the company and print out as much information that the website provides. Scan news outlets for any relevant information about the company. Personally, I mainly interview for Human Resources positions so I pay special attention to their core values as well as any employment documentation they have on their websites (collective agreements, benefits and any employment programs that they have).
3) Practice it! Practice, practice, and practice! This is so true for any type of public speaking arrangement - you should always practice getting words out of your mouth because it makes a world of a difference. In interviews or when speaking in front of crowds, I can feel the words flow right out my mouth. It is easier to get the ideas out of my head professionally if I practice as opposed to stumbling or saying “Oh, I’ll have to think about that one” or “Hmm, let me think” Big deal here. Huge actually!
4) Shine it! When you are being interviewed you are being judged. Whether you would like to admit it or not, it is important that your appearance is up to par. The night before you should ensure that your shoes are shined, your suit is ironed and you are looking polished. For the ladies, makeup should be done, but not obvious, and neutral colors that brighten your face usually work best.
5) Leave it! The biggest thing for me is that I make sure that I am stress free and set a reasonable time to get a good night rest (you may read lots of articles and think this step is overrated but I’m telling you this is a deal breaker!!). I know if I’m tossing and turning the night before, I’m in for a long day. Also, I do my best to not try to do anything the day of the interview and play silly music to loosen up a little before going in (oldies music is my personal favorite!).
Diana is a twenty-five year old Human Resources professional. She is a CHRP (Certified Human Resources Professional) who enjoys cooking, working out, shopping, and interviewing for jobs just for fun!
I Don’t Call Myself an “Adult,” I’m Just Me
From now until the end of the year, I will be featuring 20somethings and their journey through adulthood. I am in awe by how many fabulous people have signed up to be guest posters. Click here to read more and fill out the form.
Enter: Tatiana Christian
Telling one’s life story is hard. At least for me because it hasn’t been fun, or glamorous. I don’t have any romantic love that revolutionized my existence, my four years in college are best described as soul sucking and at times I regret moving out of Seattle to be unemployed in Florida for seven months. And a terrible seven months it had been: waking up each morning, feeling so worthless and invaluable because of my joblessness. My pride prevented any real attempts to seek state assistance in the form of food stamps or unemployment checks.
Each morning I woke up, wondering what I wanted to do. Each morning I wallowed in the guilt of my possible laziness, wondering what I had done wrong, what I needed to do. My time on the Internet was spent obsessing about my blog, trying to find ways to leverage the Internet to make money or staring at pictures of anime characters I liked. Honestly, I hadn’t used much of that time very wisely, but in my defense, my focus seemed scattered.
Granted I had accomplished a few things: starting a Twitter account that has worked wonders in helping me find people and advance my blog. It’s also how I found out about the anthologies I participated in. Presently, I’ve submitted more work, feeling a bit braver in my creative quest. I’m writing comics (never thought I’d be doing that!), finding more blogs to guest post at (my tenth one aired recently!) and entered into giveaways that could bless with me a D-SLR or an iPad 2 (so here’s hoping!).
Perhaps unlike other recent graduates my age, I didn’t flourish in college, feeling as if those four years had been wasted. In many ways I feel that I’m playing catch-up to a Self that should’ve existed ages ago, like I’m behind in some invisible race to blossom. But I’ve always been a late-bloomer – never in the same place as other people my age.
In many ways, my life story has really just begun. Maybe it’s because I’m locked away in the house, where my only interaction with people is via my phone or my Internet connection. I think I miss people – being out, socializing, and having things to do - if for no other reason than making great fodder for my thoughts (thinking is my favorite past time).
When I was younger, I used to hear about the popular kids who peaked in high school. Do some people “peak” in college? Post-graduation hasn’t been sunshine and kittens (I wish!) but it’s been enlightening in its own way. I’d never call myself an “adult” (if such a thing exists) since I don’t know what makes someone “grown” or a “woman.” I am exactly what I am; which has been both frustrating and freeing.
At the end of the day, though, I’m spending the day doing what I enjoy: writing, writing, writing! I’m not making money (yet) but I do relish that I don’t feel like I’m losing time. Thanks to my Mac, I have a pink sticky on my desktop to keep track of my goals, which helps me focus - the key to my sanity.
Tatiana Christian maintains a blog called Parisian Feline, which chronicles her observations about social justice. She’s always up to guest post, have discussions about the inescapable cuteness of kittens or swoon over French with you. Currently she’s writing comics, short stories and blog posts and can’t wait to meet you!
Internships: What They REALLY Want To Know About You (Guest Post)
Enter: Bryan Geary and Carl Sorrell of OPF Enterprises, manufacturing plant consultants who specialize in process improvement and “boots on the ground” leadership support. I met Bryan through the #leadfromwithin Twitter chat. I thought that having an article about what the real hiring managers look for in interns would be especially beneficial to you. Often we hear so much from HR managers or recruiters, but these guys are the real deal and they don’t hold anything back. You will find some similarities and differences between what they tell you and other advice you’ve heard. I completely agree with every point they have made. Also keep in mind this is specific to what they are looking for in intern candidates, but I think it can be applied to mostly everyone.
There are two parts: Six pointers for the basics of student interviewing and then Six pointers for the stuff they really want to know about in the interview. Make sure you read to the end to hear about what one of their interns said after his time there was completed.
***
We’ve had lots of experience with interns, both as being them and hiring them. Interns serve an important business function. For the college student this may well be his first “real” job that can teach invaluable lessons. For the employer an intern is a try-out for future employees that can reduce the very expensive risk of hiring the wrong person.
Here we will give you some very real tips on our interviewing process. Be warned: not all of them are politically correct.
FOR THE STUDENT INTERVIEWING
#1 - Be on time. Elementary, you say? Of course, but you would be surprised how many people screw it up. Whether it a face-to-face interview or a phone interview, be where you are supposed to be when you are supposed to be there. Miss it and we probably won’t give you a second chance.
#2 - Be serious. Serious people take the time and effort to research the company and its personnel. We expect you to be serious, so don’t disappoint us. You don’t need to quote the second quarter income statement but you should be able to talk about the top two or three news items on our website. Some companies are secretive for whatever reason. If so, tell us that you weren’t able to find out too much about us on our stealth website. Either way you need to be able to answer: “So, tell me what you know about us.”
#3 - Be conservative. Managers and decision makers are notoriously conservative in most businesses. Really. If you have inserted a marble into your earlobe, we guarantee it is all we will see and we won’t hear a thing you have to tell us. If any visible part of your body is pierced (with the exception of female earlobes), remove the ornament before you walk into our office. We don’t relate to the metal hanging from your eyebrow.
Be careful about festooning your body with tattoos. We will respect the Marine Globe and Anchor tattoo on your forearm but we will be somewhat less understanding about the flames coming out of your shirt collar. There is a reason you don’t see Jesse James tattoos on your friendly neighborhood interviewers: we aren’t celebrity-seeking wannabes and we aren’t looking to hire one, either.
#4 - Be dressed professionally. Wear a sport coat, tie and leather dress shoes (no, no, not your black Nikes) if you are male. Wear the female equivalent if you are not. Don’t mix this up!
#5 - Be professional in your manners. Pretend it’s a stereotyped Catholic school. Sit up straight, look us in the eye and address us as Mr. or Mrs. Smith until we give you permission to call us Billy Bob or Kimberly Dawn.
#6 - Behave. You may be the life of the party but if you act like a goofball, there is not much chance you will get the gig. Remember that you are in our office because you want someone to pay you money for your labor. We don’t want to hire Bozo.
Honestly, you have to make it past these six items so we can get to the stuff we really want to know.
***THE STUFF WE REALLY WANT TO KNOW***
#1 - How do you work with people? Are you capable of being both a leader and a follower? To find out we will ask questions about the campus organizations you belong to.
- Being an officer of a fraternity or honor society will tell us your interest in leading people.
- Belonging to the intramural rugby league tells us your willingness to be involved in team efforts.
- Working full-time at a restaurant while carrying a full academic load will tell us that you will do what it takes to achieve something and that you know how to follow.
It will also impress us. We like people who already know how to work.
#2 - Do you have a sense of humor? We like being around people who know how to laugh. And we really like being around people who can laugh at themselves. We do it all the time. You don’t have to come on like a stand-up comedian but throw in a quip or two. Show us your laugh and it will go a long way to showing us you can get along with others.
“In these times, I would say…” Translation: English to English
Welcome to Translation: English to English featuring words and phrases used in adulthood that need a translation to the NEW adulthood. Every Monday you get a new vocabulary lesson. Sign up to receive them in your inbox!
“In these times, I would say…” (then enter any kind of phrase pertaining to the question you just asked.)
Example:
Scene: Woman is concerned that she may be laid off. She asks her manager, “Should I be looking for another job?”
Manager: “In these times, I would say that everyone should always be looking for another job. You never know what can happen day-to-day.”
Common use: Phrase used to softly explain a situation to someone.
Cringe factor: It throws up political correctness.
REAL use: What people really mean when they say, “In these times, I would say….”:
- That question you just asked me? You are right.
- Yes.
- Definitely.
- I don’t want to hurt your feelings, so I’m going to try to say this the best possible way.
- Hell yes.
- This is so awkward and I don’t know what to say.
- Oh gosh this sucks.
- How did she figure it out?
Even though the phrase can mean all of those things, some people really need to be let down gently. Actually, most people do. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing when this phrase is used, but read between the lines. It’s pretty obvious. You should be able to tell what it means when someone is using that phrase with you…whether good or bad.
Translation: English to English - “It’s the economy.”
This is the third installment of Translation: English to English featuring words and phrases used in adulthood that need a translation to the NEW adulthood. Every Monday you get a new vocabulary lesson. Sign up to receive them in your inbox!
“It’s the economy.”
Common use: What your boss/HR rep tells you when you get laid off.
Alternate use: What people tell you when you can’t find a job. (Check out this post on how to stay motivated in a crap economy with a book giveaway. Comment by Tuesday, July 26th in the morning for a chance to win!)
Cringe factor: You are pretty sure know they are lying.
REAL use: AKA what it really means when they tell you “It’s the economy” as they lay you off:
- Budget cuts. (aka you and/or your department aren’t that important - or that’s what we think right now until we get rid of you and realize we messed up.)
- We have no more clients. (Because they have no money)
- We have no more clients. (Because we suck)
- Altercation between employer and employee. (Your boss hates you. You told your boss you hate him.)
- You suck at your job. (aka you come in late, look like a slob, can’t do simple work, are on Facebook all day, never meet a deadline, don’t answer your emails, don’t check your emails, cost the company tons of money, make us all want to vomit, and/or really don’t know what you’re doing.)
- No profit. Need more.
- You’ve been replaced by a machine.
- You’ve been replaced by an intern. Unpaid intern.
- We’re selling the company.
- We’re taking your job overseas. (aka outsourcing aka someone else in another country is cheaper than you.)
- We screwed up so we have to screw you. Oops!
- We have no idea what we’re doing.
- We cut the management training and now we don’t know what else to do.
- We paid the executive team too much money.
- We approved the executive team’s outrageous spending on personal expenses on the company credit card and there’s nothing left for you.
Comment below to add to this list. :)
Thanks, but No Thanks - Rejecting a Job Offer
Whether or not you are actively seeking employment, the main topic of conversation with friends, family, acquaintances, Twitter friends, etc. has been jobs. Your family and friends ask how the job search or work is going. People you just met ask “What do you do? Where do you work?” Twitter chats and groups are dedicated to finding you a job (#hirefriday #jobhuntchat #megajobhuntchat). FYI, these chats are awesome…click here to learn how to participate.
If you are unemployed, chances are you are pumping out resumes and cover letters like you are getting paid for it. Maybe you are just applying to anything and everything to snag some kind of income. But what happens when you are offered a job and realize that this is not the job you want.
It could be anything: location, salary, team dynamics, organizational culture, the actual job…
Do you…
1) Take it?
or
2) Reject it?
